eljaydaly: (Default)
You know that canned plastic-chemical cheese that bears as much resemblance to actual cheese as that stuff they suck out of asses during liposuction? Well, I was spritzing that on crackers while I was driving today, and the can blew up.

Let me say this. I was only eating plastic cheese while I was at red lights. I forgot to eat breakfast, I was running around, and suddenly I realized I was starving. I was in the market running a legitimate errand, and... I don't know what came over me. I grabbed the plastic cheese and a box of Ritz, and before I knew it, there I was, sitting in traffic, scarfing lipocrackers. Then BOOM! There must have been an air bubble in the can. There was a pop, and cheese exploded everywhere. The actual can didn't explode, but there was cheese in my hair, on my clothes, dripping on the windows, the steering wheel, the rearview mirror, the upholstery, the floors, the gear shift. Not very much on the cracker. I tell you, nothing has momentum like cheese product under pressure.

And then the light turned green.

So there I am, with an empty cracker in my right hand, a can of lipocheese in my left hand, sitting in a car full of exploded cheese while the cars behind me are honking.

I put the cracker in the pack, the can in the cupholder, and I just drove home -- hoping nobody decided to look at me too closely to figure out what the orange slime in my hair was.

Oh... and the embarrassing confession? That's the part about eating the lipocheese in the first place.



eljaydaly: (Default)

April 2011

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